TAMRA'S LEFT THE WARD!

It is Sunday morning and I woke up at home, in my own bed, at my own time, in my own way, with my stuffed bear (aka hospital companion) Burny beside me.  OMG, it is good to be home!  There is something about the smell of home, the feel of home, the taste of home, that nothing else can be a substitute for (even no dishes or laundry...and that's sayin somethin).  Anyone whose been through a crisis of any sort that forced them from home for any period of time more than 2 days knows what I am talking about when I say, home embraces you in a way nothing else can. 

When I come home from the hospital on high dose corticosteroids (which is every time I come home from the hospital), I CAN'T sit still.  I MUST get up and move around or my brain will explode from the pace of the thoughts racing through it.  Physical activity is a necessary distraction, though it drives my family to distraction, frustration, and frayed nerves. They want to see me park in a chair and just "take care of myself" like they see me doing when I am in the hospital.  And because I love them, and do so want to set them at ease, I really try.  I lost 11 pounds in 8 days, all of it due to a racing heart rate induced by high dose corticosteroids which helped burn calories.  My blood sugars now, as is customary for me when I am at the end of a crisis that required hospitalization, are falling so low, so fast, I have to be on constant alert to bad Hypoglycemic reactions.

In short, while I have returned to the warm, loving embrace of my home and family, the recovery is just beginning.  But I had to take a moment to thank you all for reading, for writing back, for calling, for e-mailing, for praying, well....JUST FOR CARING AND FOR BEING THERE FOR ME.  People and relationships are the reason we keep on keeping on.  There would be no point otherwise, regardless of the height of the challenges we each face.  I thank you for that. You will never know how much you mean to me.

I learned a lot during this hospital stay, but my greatest lessons were these, and I hope they came through in my journaling of the experience which is now at an end:

1)  Listen to your body, to it's signals, to it's whispers.  Respect what it tells you and live within the  limits it conveys.  There is so much life to be lived there, you will never feel deprived or wonder, "what's on the other side?",   IF you respect your own body and give all you have to the life you can live within it's means.

2)  Love is the greatest medicine of all.  It doesn't need needles, or pedi-cups, or catheters.  It is easily conveyed with a hug, a touch, or a whisper.  Seek to love all you see, and all who touch your life.  You won't be sorry you made the effort, and will even be surprised at how many extraoridinary people that effort brings into your circle and into your heart.

3)  Grow where you are planted.  THRIVE and need no more, for life itself is the greatest gift.  Cherish, NO TREASURE every moment because that WAS the last, and every breath brings life anew.  

To all of you out there, who helped me get here,  thanks for delivering me home!

THINGS I MISS

ON THE WARD

        Well, I definitely have been in the hospital too long because heart and homesickness is setting in.  Here’s a list of a few of the things I miss right now!  How about you?  What would you miss if someone crated you for a week, away from friends, family, and all the conveniences of home?  I ask because you are in a unique position right now to take a moment to just appreciate them, whatever they may be, to say thank you to them (yes, even the inanimate objects)…and to just indulge!  ISN’T LIFE GRAND!

 

HUGS

Good Coffee

DOGGY LICKS!!!!!!!

Good Coffee

“Hey Mom?”

More Good Coffee

SHOWERS

Margaritas

CLEAN HAIR

A Second Margarita When Nobody is Looking (tastes better)

PAJAMAS

Green Tea

BIG PINK MAXINE Terry Cloth Bath Robes

The Smell of Fabric Softener

Pillows that stay Fluffed

SOFT TP

PRIVACY

S

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10 UNIVERSAL TRUTHS ABOUT THE HOSPITAL

HELPFUL TIPS FROM THE WARD: 09/16/12

 

10 Universal Truths About the Hospital

Over my 21 years of chronic illness, I have perfected the art of the “hospital stay”.  I have observed, studied, ease dropped, researched, recorded, and filed all the important stuff one should know before your hospital stay like; what to expect, what will invariably happen, how to set your expectations properly, how to surrender all humility gracefully cuz your gonna lose it anyway.  These, I propose, are the “Universal Truths” that will reveal themselves to you in one way or another no matter the hospital, the length of your stay, or any language/cultural differences. I am only sharing them because you are special to me.  Please keep them to yourself, as we wouldn’t want to give the opposition an added advantage.

1)      No matter the number of snaps or ties on your gown, you will discover that some personal part of you was hanging out of it only after you return to your room from a walk around the ward.

2)      No matter how hard you try to prevent it, your telephone will always ring only after you are seated on the throne and fully engaged in the ever so publicly discussed and charted “bowel movement”, or as soon as your doctor walks in the room.

3)      No matter the reason for your hospital stay you can expect to get up close and personal with the volume and number of cc’s of your “urine output” as it will be collected in a “toilet hat”, and never emptied (except by you as you stand, legs crossed, trying not to wet yourself). Ditch that thing in the farthest garbage can from your room as soon as the nurses are not looking.  A second one will rarely reappear.

4)      The best companion for a lengthy stay is a medium sized stuffed teddy bear.  I know, ‘you’re adults, and adults don’t indulge such childishness”, but trust me you will be able to be much more civil to all you meet after hugging, smashing, and even punching the stuffin outta that thing whenever necessary.

5)      The “Free” footies are free for a reason.  They have no top or bottom, no heal or toe allotments and this makes them “free” to head in any direction they like…and they will.  The anti slip part will wind around your ankles such that the only thing they keep from slipping will be your hairy ankles. So, BYOS…Bring Your Own Socks!

6)      Hospital “Mr. Klienex”, need I say more?  If you value your nose, your lips, your cheeks, only use the hospital “Klienex” as a paper weight; smash it and use it as a bookmark; but whatever you do…DO NOT USE IT ON YOUR FACE!  So, BYOK…no explanation needed.

7)      The water mug; there is an astounding phenomenon going on in the medical world with regard to the coveted water mug. 21 years ago the mug was big enough to hold about 40oz of liquid. Five years ago it shrank to an approximate volume of 32oz.  Today it is clearly marked as 19oz if filled to the very brim.  So, I want to know, is it an attempt at rationing water or minimizing exposure to plastic poisons?  If you know you are going to be bed bound for any length of time (like bedpan style) BYOC with a side water reservoir as the nurses will be too busy running just trying to refill all those tiny water mugs and you will dry up like a raisin in the sun waiting for yours!

8)      Do not be timid about rolling your suitcases into the ER or Admissions Department.  They will look at you funny, but so what?  Bring everything you will need for the length of time they say you will stay, and then pack the second suitcase with everything you need to be comfortable and entertained “for the long haul”.  A PC or tablet and a smart phone are must bring items!  I am convinced hospital stays are the reason social networking is such a huge success.

9)      Look for the funny in everything!  The “I wanna cry” will always be stalking you.  Don’t let it catch you because nothing good comes from it, and if forced to use their “Mr. Klienex” you will be sad and deskinned!  Laugh at your bad hair. Look for the “cloud figures” in all of your wrinkle spots. Chuckle at how you are beginning to smell because you “aren’t allowed” to shower.  Patient bed smells are a great line of first defense in fighting off the vampires!

10)   Roll on the floor laughing when your friends and colleagues say they’re coming to visit you. Take a picture of yourself and put it out there on “facebook” right away so the embarrassment is over in one grand post and everyone knows what to expect.  For me the caption always includes; “Face red and round, neck vanished, as many chins as a Chinese phonebook.”  There…it’s over and nobody is expecting anything less than your very worst photo ever!  In this case if you are not photogenic, you have an added advantage over those who are, because you will look better in person.

 

Guard and hold these Universal Truths always within your heart, for whosoever knows them going in, they shall, in some small way, be the victor!